Over the last several months I’ve learned how truly hard human relationships are. Whether that be friends, family, a significant other, whoever you decide to spend your time with, all types of relationships are difficult. I’m sure most of us realize that life is an obstacle itself and it only gets harder as we grow older. Life changes, people change, relationships fail, and we fear the unknown. Fear is an emotion that is nailed to us like an iron cross, weighing us down, so we don’t leave the current situation we have put ourselves in. Fear and love are the two strongest emotions that we will ever experience in our lifetimes. These two emotions are what keeps us together or tears us apart. Emotions are mixed in with our personalities, our mood, and even our temperament. We either feel great pleasure or displeasure when it comes to our choices and actions. Cognitive thinking can also be a major role of emotions as well. Hence, why our emotions are so complex and interwoven with each other. Humans by far are the most onerous creatures on the planet, and I feel this is why a lot of relationships deteriorate.
But my question is should our differences outweigh our similarities? Should our wants and needs be pushed aside for someone else’s happiness to take priority? Should we continue to live in fear that everything is going to fall apart because we are scared of who we might become in the end? When does one’s happiness come into play when so much chaos is going on in our lives?
A friend told me the other day that there are two different types of people; those who don’t have time and those who make time. Sometimes there are not enough hours in the day, the week, the month, or the year. We live with this notion that we have so much time in our lifespan that we put things off altogether. We say maybe tomorrow, maybe next week, maybe next month, or maybe next year. But the harsh reality is, is that tomorrow is never promised for us. We can be here one minute and gone the next because life is never warranted. Life is not a game where if we die we have another life to use or a healing spell that would bring us back. We are a slave to time, and time has an expiration date.
Time is what leads me to the topic of differences. Humans have the choice of free will. We can choose what we want to wear, who we want to date, where we want to live when we want to get up in the morning, and why we do the things we do. That is the beauty and simplicity of being a human. It is also what guides people to one another. We form relationships by similarities and likeness. We usually gravitate towards individuals who are like “us.” But I think what a lot of people don’t see is that differences can be rather compelling too. Some people believe that differences are what “make” or “break” relationships. Yes, I am sure that no matter how hard you try two people will just never be compatible. But is it the idea of compatibility that drives people away or is it the thought that working through a relationship is proven too difficult, which might lead to someone giving up? We live in a society that has pushed the ideals of the perfect relationship on us as young children. That everything should come easy, and it should come naturally, but sadly that isn’t the case. We live in these notions of fantasy and make-believe that we start to believe our own ideas and thoughts. Society wants us to conform to the scheme that there is a “perfect” relationship out there, but there isn’t. No one is perfect, and no one will ever be perfect.
We all make choices based on cause and effect. One thing happens because of another previous choice we made. It isn’t someone else’s choice…it is our choice and our choice alone. So at the end of the day when you are on your death bed will you be satisfied with the choices that you made? Will you feel like other people’s differences, other than your own, really affected your life that much you couldn’t have a relationship with them? Will it matter in the end when we are dead and gone from this world? Will you live with doubts and regret that you didn’t make that choice? That you put it off for so long that you missed your opportunity or chance to seize the moment?
We can fear change, we can fear difficulties, we can fear the people, not like us, but we all have the option of learning. We all have the possibility of having an open mind and an open heart. Learning and understanding are two of the greatest gifts we are ever given as humans. You don’t understand something? Then learn. You don’t know how to cope with different ideas? Then ask for help. You don’t want to change? Then don’t, but do not let the limitations of your differences stop you from having/forming a relationship with someone different than you. Don’t put yourself in a box that you will never be able to crawl out of, because that is only going to hinder your growth as a person. You will never be able to flourish or be your best possible self if you continue to limit your horizons.
I’ll leave you some words from a favorite person of mine…Prince Ea. He always seems to make the words in my head become a reality. Watch this video and be inspired by him. You won’t regret it.