What Was My First…WHAT DID YOU SAY?!

Before you say anything, I know this is some really bottom of the barrel shit, but I’ve got to write a bunch of stuff before I fly away and this is a somewhat amusing story. As this is published, I’ll be in Kyoto, the historic capital of Japan (and yes, I’m going to continue rubbing my Japan trip in your face next week too).

This is kind of a follow up to my post a few weeks ago about how I got into anime, so be sure to read that too! (Click here to read it!)

I can’t remember the exact time scale of this, but it must have been sometime in 2014. I’d dropped out of school and was working fulltime for an I.T. support company, being either 17 or 18 years old. I wasn’t loving it, but it was better than the sixth form I was going to (if you don’t know what sixth form is, just google it because I’m not explaining the English school system here).

I was sat with a few friends and we were discussing anime. I mentioned that I’d bought a DVD of a series I knew nothing about beforehand called Elfen Lied and that it was alright. The series contains a fair amount of gore and nudity, with the opening sequence just being a naked woman murdering a shit tonne of people with her mind. My friend thought it was pretty cool and typed it into MyAnimeList… apart from the fact that he didn’t. He typed Elfina… which happens to be a hentai. We laughed it off and that was that (I don’t think he ever actually watched Elfen Lied after that, but he’s not missing out on that much, let’s face it).

In the following weeks and months, I kept thinking about the coincidence… but more so I wondered what Elfina was actually like having never seen any hentai. One day, I decided that I’d sit down and watch it. This was a mistake.

Okay, anyone here that’s seen Elfina will know that it’s not really shocking or disgusting when compared to other hentai out there, but remember that this was my first experience and it’s not vanilla by any means.

I couldn’t find the first episode online (because I didn’t know where to look) but found the second of the trilogy. The opening sequence features a large group of women in chains pissing on the floor in the rain what the fuck is happening I’ve never seen anything like this before… breathe… breathe… it can’t get any worse than this… can it?

It can.

Turns out Elfina is a series wherein a country conquers its neighbouring nation and sends the men and children away, but keeps the women as sex slaves, Elfina being the titular princess of the conquered nation.

“Highlights” of the episode were a guy forcing a girl to… um… nosh him off during a meeting and then hold the ‘aftermath’ in her mouth for like a day, the same woman rubbing up on a jail cell bar, and the princess getting fucking gang raped at then and fucking enjoying being shamed… just why, Japan?

After completing the episode, I dutifully went to sleep and went to work the next day. I recall feeling a little ill, but I was able to get by. At lunch I walked up to the local Co-Op and bought a bacon and egg sandwich before walking back down to the office to tuck into it. As I opened the sandwich box I looked into the fleshy and slightly damp interior and the imagery it conjured made me feel sick. I took one bite before throwing the rest of the sandwich away… I didn’t eat sandwiches for a while after that.

I’ve seen hentai since, but I don’t watch it regularly. It doesn’t make me feel sick anymore, but I don’t think I can ever truly ‘enjoy’ it.

Any of you got some fun hentai stories? Let me know below! This post is a little shorter than usual as I’m writing three in one stint and last week’s was a little heavy, so figured I’d keep this one short and sweet!



4 thoughts on “What Was My First…WHAT DID YOU SAY?!

  1. The first one I watched was Shoujo Sect, a yuri hentai, and for the most part it wasn’t that good, but it’s better than some that’s out there, and it’s relatively tame-ish. I think my favorite hentai (as a story and an anime, not as something to jerk off to) is Sensitive Pornograph, for the most part a very vanilla 2-episode yaoi hentai. I like the way sexuality is handled in that anime. It’s unusual to find one that’s not gross. (In general, I think most hentai is gross to be honest.)


  2. I don’t think I’ve ever watched a true hentai. Some people think Yosuga no Sora is hentai but I don’t.

    Perhaps the uncensored version of Kite? It shows extreme depravity. But OTOH, the world contains extreme depravity. Kite has a solid plot line and most of it *isn’t* depraved. It is just that the evildoer cop who has the heroine trapped is depraved and so is his partner. You can “clean it up” and it is still a good anime. Just watch the Crunchyroll version.


  3. I enjoy hentai more than “real” porn. But I prefer things on the vanilla side; I just like seeing gorgeous characters getting lewd, preferably in some sort of narrative context, which is something that a lot of modern hentai really gets right over and above “real” porn.

    And then there are eroge, which don’t count in the same category at all, given that they’re visual novels that happen to have erotic content rather than where it is the *main point* of the experience. But that’s a whole other discussion that I’ve talked about several times at length recently, so feel free to browse my recent articles on the subject for more!

    My fun story is that my first *anime*, not just my first *hentai*, was Urotsukidoji: Legend of the Overfiend. My brother had acquired a bunch of pre-release VHS tapes from Manga Video as a promotional thing for a feature he was writing for a magazine, and he didn’t have room to keep them in his flat in London, so he left them at our parents’ house.

    One day when I was left in the house on my own (I guess I must have been about 14-15 or so?) I decided to check out one of the “18-rated” videos at random, because normally I wasn’t allowed to watch 18-rated stuff.

    I was absolutely horrified. Urotsukidoji is not a nice piece of work. I did find it morbidly, oddly fascinating, though, because there was obviously some interesting lore beneath all the demon rape. So, over time, I watched the second one too, then two episodes of the third one. Some of the lines in the terrible dub became memes among my friends and I.

    I still didn’t really get it, and it’s not something I have any desire to return to, but in a funny way I’m glad I experienced it; it kind of made me reasonably hard to shock.


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